I'm in a weird mood. I guess the best way to explain it is that I'm in a good mood and at the same time I'm kind of in a bad mood too. There are lots of things that I'm happy about. I know I'm in a good mood right now because Steve is coming right home from work tonight and my client rescheduled. So now we can have dinner as a family and hang out, and I always look forward to those nights.
I also have this weird feeling inside me that I'm kind of feeling built up about some stuff. This type of stuff isn't just about one particular subject, or with one particular person. Has anyone ever been in the mood to vent about pretty much every person they are close with? Friends, family, co-workers, etc.? Nothing happened, no event occurred in which I have a reason to feel this way. I guess my thinking time today has gone a little overboard. Now I'm just letting the keyboard take hold here. I just want to sit here and tell someone how I feel about so many different things. And I know that I can do that during prayer, and I do sometimes. But I get the feeling like I'm complaining or something. I also probably get the response from God that I don't want to hear, so instead I let it build up. I just feel like there are so many stupid things going on. I want to scream out to some people, "how can you be so DUMB?" I know I'm not perfect, and I sometimes feel like I include myself in the people I want to ask that too. I guess I'm beating around the bush. Thats what I do with some important things, with important people. What a perfect place to write about it too, a blog. But oh no, let's not get ahead of ourselves Kris! What I want to say is not going to be said in a blog. It may never be said at all, but it certainly wont be written in a blog. Some of it doesn't even directly pertain to me. I think I am easily effected by other peoples actions. So if my friend is sad because of something her husband or boyfriend did to her, I feel hurt for her. I can give everyone else the best advice. I always wish I could jump inside other peoples bodies and do for them what they might fear doing; deal with their confrontations, quit their job, talk to their teenager, stick up for themselves to a stranger! I make it sound so easy, yet when I get the oppurtunity to do something like that for myself, I turn into a coward. When I was quitting my first salon I worked at, I was so tough building up to it. But then when it came time that I had to actually do it, I was a MESS. I think I cried more to my boss, who I probably resented at the time, than I would've at a funeral! I just wish there was a way to line up a bunch of people and go down the line and tell them how I feel about some certain things and have it be out there. I wish instead of trying to be nice during it, I could just get angry. Oh if I could've said what I REALLY wanted to say to my old boss, HA it would've been awesome! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or have anyone take anything the wrong way. I don't want to yell at anyone for stupid things that have nothing to do with me, I just want be able to be more stern, more strong and get it all out. And once I do get it out, I don't want a vicious circle to start. I just want us to all be on the same page! Not going to happen, I know. It's just like when you find God, and you REALLY find Him. It's like you just found your best friend in the entire world, your soul mate. But to some people they think that He's more like an imaginary friend; A comfort when I'm in need, a security and people don't understand. So that circle starts....of people just not getting me! It even happens with my husband. It's like some things he just doesn't GET!!!! No matter what it is, it could be about money, about friends, family, who the heck knows! I just know I hate that vicious circle of no common ground. I hate agreeing to disagree. Just stinkin AGREE with me haha! Ahhhhhh feeling a little better. :)
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